you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
