my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I touched a dick in church today
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
