Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
