y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
