Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
