I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
