Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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