ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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