So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
