i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
