Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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