Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
