Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
