Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
