He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
