so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
