I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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