I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
