In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
