I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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