Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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