First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
