sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
