I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
