apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
