Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
