Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
