I cannot find my penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
