I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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