And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
