why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Enjoy the penises
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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