scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
