John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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