I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
