When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
