You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
