I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
