Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
