It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
