Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
