She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
