you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
