If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
