I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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