Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
