are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
