I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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