PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
