Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
