that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
